Everyone’s talking/complaining/instagramming pictures of their weather aps about it. Snow is blowing in though the window cracks, the few brave souls who are outside look like walking sleeping bags and California is smug.
Something called a “polar vortex” has settled over us and I don’t know if that’s something they sell at REI or the rejected title for The Day After Tomorrow. Will I have to burn my books to keep warm? Fight wolves for penicillin? I hear someone outside right now doing what sounds like shoveling but is probably more like increasingly frustrated chipping away at what used to be snow and is now ice because it’s MINUS FOURTEEN DEGREES OUTSIDE, WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING SHOVELLING NO ONE IS WALKING ANYWHERE. Except for those two or three walking sleeping bags. Go back inside.
It can still feel pretty cold inside though even though it’s approximately 78 degrees warmer than everything on the other side of the door. I think that my brain has frozen and the mindsicle inside my head is separating itself from itself. For example, I was asking a friend how her holiday was and I accidentally wrote “hiloliday.” I’m not even sure how that happened. First of all, it’s a perfect word to describe the holidays and secondly, it was accepted as a word by Google and not even auto-corrected. To which I say, “Well done Google, you progressives and inventors and lovers of new words!” and also “How do I get a word into the Oxford Dictionary?”
I have at least two or three others to submit, as long as I don’t have to dress like a sleeping bag.