Who knew? Everyone, apparently.

I have discovered coconut oil.

Straight from the jar. How did I miss this?

It’s like when I was dance-cleaning my kitchen (...like you don’t? Please) and I looked up and noticed there was grease above the stove. Well of course there is grease above the stove, I do USE the stove for things other than making mulled wine, but it’s like…it needs-to-be-cleaned grease. Whatever, don’t judge. Are you telling me you wipe down your walls every single time you cook? You don’t. Don’t Play. Don’t Kid, either, those guys were never good at cleaning.

What to do? Mr. Clean and his magic eraser were NO help at all. Maybe because the eraser didn’t choose me? This troubles me to no end. How to get rid of this? To the internets! Ok so…did everyone know the amazing power of vinegar except for me? I mean, besides the things it does to cucumbers and hot and sour soup? The cleaning part of it? How all you need is hot water and it’s like nature’s bleach? I mean, I literally changed the ethnicity of the vintage 1950’s lady who hangs out over my stove when I cleaned it. Whatever, you’re gross! Ok I know, gross. But still. Vinegar and water. And done!


This lady here.  

This lady here.  

My point is, a Trader Joe's recently opened up around me so I went to check it out. Now look, I don’t know from Trader Joe’s....I just know that the wonder that is TwoBuck Chuck and some kind of magical cookie-brownie hybrid cleverly packaged in plastic so that you can clearly see it in all of its organically harvested, conflict-free sugary goodness comes from there. So I went. I wandered. I found this coconut oil which apparently as everyone knows, is supposed to be very good for you. So I bought it. I’d read that you can eat it straight from the jar but....really? That stuff looks like Crisco. I’ve eaten Crisco straight from the bucket. Anyway, I ran out of spoons.  

So I guess I’ll have to go back. Are they always so happy there? I guess if I was surrounded by $3 wine and that sweet sweet coconut oil I would be. I think I’m going to need more spoons.