No, no, no, take your time, mister. I'll wait here, in the awkward small space at the top of the steps on a moving train, while you leisurely search your bag for whatever device it is you need right this very now. You’re right, standing back to let me pass and then going back to get your smartcrutch would be too...what’s the word I’m looking for? I should get out my thesaurus, since I’ve clearly got the time to search. You’re obviously not going anywhere. Not 3 inches to the right, not 5 inches back. You stay in your bubble of convenience, where everything is you and you are everything and I’ll look for a synonym for “aware.”
Would it be considerate if you moved out of the way so that I could pass? I mean, even just turned yourself so that you weren’t filling up the entire space with all your everything you so that I could slide past? Sure, but you don't have time for that. I can see from your suit that you think you're really important.
You didn’t even notice when the lady across the aisle on the other side of the train said loudly "There's a seat down there!” and pointed to it and then when I nodded and smiled and said “Yes...” she said, even louder, “OH, you’re waiting." And I smiled and nodded again and said, just as loudly, “Yes. I’m waiting.” Not a hair on your gelled analyst buzzcut moved.
And
then you snapped your bag shut because you still couldn’t find what you
were looking for and sat down. And then noisily sighed and glared at
me. Like it’s my fault you are in a U2 song? I am in a bright pink dress
on a gray rainy morning. There is nothing to do but smile at me.
You know, I too wish I had a driver that would take me where I need to go, when I want to go and doesn’t mind when I stand in the driveway with the door open for five minutes while I rifle through the bits in my bag that get me through the morning. But I have to let the train take the strain, my friend. And so do you.
So
pay attention. If you are in such a hurry to get on the train, push
your way through the door and charge up the stairs, then follow through
and make a big dramatic production of collapsing into your seat with a
huge sigh of relief. Maybe even shout “I win!” because we all know you want to. Be an adult and finish the game.
