Here’s a present I don't understand: wine stoppers. I don’t understand the message
behind them. Why on earth would anyone who knows me want to stop me from
drinking wine?
Someone once tried to explain it to me like this: “Well, you know, when you have
some left over….” And then trailed off because I had that look on my face that I get
when math. I understand these words. Individually, I know what they mean, but put
together in a sentence like that….well I just don’t understand. Is it math?
Anyway this concept of “left over wine” is sad and poignant, like an Eastern
European film that features sad children and stray dogs running through war-
torn rubble and mysterious adults saying things like “Yes. And it was.” It’s not that
they’re useless. It’s just that like those Eastern European films, it just doesn’t happen
in my house.
It’s like those wine charm thingies. How or why I would I ever forget which glass is
mine? The only reason I put my glass down is because brie gets really soft and you
have to spread it on something because picking up the entire wedge and nibbling on
it as you walk around apparently isn’t “polite” and the cheese isn’t “just for you.”
But let’s say you’re re-enacting that scene from The Goonies and you have to set
down your glass. And then someone else needed both hands to wipe away the tears
of laughter, so that glass goes down, too. Now you have two glasses and
whose is whose? Apparently this is the time those wine charms come in handy. But
you’ve got wine and you’re already charming (see: The Goonies). Rather than waffle
uncertainly and feel awkward, realize you are faced with an opportunity. Life lesson:
the glass that’s fuller is always yours.
These are on clearance because I don't need them.
Anyway, I do have several cute “wine stoppers” though. I have one that looks like
a pair of shoes that I actually want. My boss gave it to me. I’m not sure what she’s
trying to say. It’s either “if you’re going to keep bringing wine to the office, try to
save some for the afternoon meeting” OR she wants me to buy a new pair of shoes.
Nevermind. Best present ever.
