8.12.14 Dear......


I have to say, beginning a conversation in this day and age with “Hi Ho!” is a recipe for misunderstandings. Saying you mean it in the “Snow White” way leads me to wonder if you are calling me a dwarf or an evil witch. Calling me the apple was a good recovery only until I realized the apple was poisoned. NOT A GOOD RECOVERY. Dammit, indeed. I’ve been glaring at the mirror all day.

Speaking of recipes, yes, I will eat your banana bread recipe, even if it is gluten free (I don’t mind letting the glutens free now and again, we are not savages after all), vegan (is it the no-meat that makes them so angry?) and refined sugar-free. I like my sugar rough around the edges anyway. I don’t mind if it doesn’t know from art.

Math rudely interrupted my day today in the form of greater than-less than and I was less than pleased about it. I was >. Sorry no, I was <. Is that right? I never could get those right. The crocodile eats the bigger number but what nobody is talking about is WHY THE CROCODILES ARE EATING NUMBERS. Are we to believe that the crocodile’s strength is due to a healthy lifestyle of prime numbers and whole integers? That turning their backs on the negative numbers is what makes them live so long? This is why I was never good at math. They use shapes and alphabets and animals….why not just use numbers?

You can make any number of very delicious dishes, but I like that you want to teach people how to feed themselves, not just feed them vegan cupcakes. It's like you are teaching them to fish... only they won't eat fish. So either your demographic is smaller than Jesus' or you have to set the timer on them. Anyway, just because you make great cupcakes doesn't mean that’s all you should do. Unless it's those chocolate ones. You should make those all the time.

You asked if I wanted an apple bread recipe. Yes. Yes, yes, I want everything. And I know that you said, “Of course you do. And that’s ok” but I just want to make sure you know that in this case, I don’t want you to teach me to feed myself. Because you did after all call me a ho. Now where are those cupcakes?

> (I think),